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NFL draft round one: Diary of a crazed Steeler fan 2019

For people like me, the NFL draft is the most exciting time of the year where football isn’t actually being played. We watch tons of tape on college players, log every pre-draft visit and pro-day attendance, and read everything possible on the draft. Then the night finally comes, and it’s like Christmas for grown-ups. This draft is especially intriguing with the rumors the Steelers may trade up to get a player like Devin Bush. Here is a blow by blow account of what it is like to be a draft crazed Steelers fan on draft night:

7:45 PM – Mentally preparing myself for the Steelers to do something dumb like select Rock Ya-Sin 20th overall. My night is already ruined.

8:05 PM – Introducing the prospects attending the draft. Everything seems normal…….wait who’s that reject from a 90’s Micheal Jackson music video?? Oh god that’s Devin Bush. I’m not sure I can get behind the Steelers drafting a player this this bad decision making. I’m genuinely concerned.

8:20 PM – Draft “started’ at 8:00, yet we still don’t have a pick in.

Pick #1 Cardinals select Kyler Murray – QB – Oklahoma

Worst kept secret of all time. Kevin Colbert should be on the phone trying to get Josh Rosen right now!!

Pick #2 49ers select – DE – Nick Bosa

If Mr. Big Chest would’ve kept his clown show to a minimum, this guy could’ve been a Steeler. God I hate that guy more and more every day!

Pick #3 Jets select – DT – Quinnen Williams

Williams just set the world record for saying the word “man” 752,878 times in a fifteen minute interview. Whew impressive.

Pick #4 Raiders select – DE – Clelin Ferrell

I figured Jon Gruden would do something weird here but Clelin Ferrell??? This should help push the linebackers down so I’m all for it. Don’t ever change Chucky, Steelers Nation loves you.

Pick #5 Buccaneers select – LB – Devin White

Well so much for the linebackers falling. Screw you Bruce Arians!

Pick #6 Giants select – QB – Daniel Jones

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Pick #7 Jaguars select – EDGE – Josh Allen

I just saw something on Twitter that said the Broncos are close to trading out of the tenth pick. To who dammit? Could it be?? Be calm, Be calm

Pick #8 Lions select – TE – T.J. Hockenson

Furiously refreshing my Twitter feed to find out who the hell is trading with Denver. This is excruciating!!

Pick #9 Bills – DT – Ed Oliver

IT…..IS…..THE…..STEELERS. They are trading up. I’m in shock! They are getting Devin Bush. Wait, it better be Devin Bush. What did they give up though? A first for next year? That’s way too much. Oh hell who cares….. were getting Devin Bush!!

Pick #10 Steelers select – LB – Devin Bush

They did it. Hats off to Kevin Colbert. We got the best linebacker in this draft, and didn’t have to give up a future first round pick to get him. Colbert is a straight thief man. The outfit is still bothering me, but he can be coached out of that right??

Pick #11 Bengals select – OT – Jonah Williams

Suck it Cincinnati!!! That’s for stealing William Jackson III from us in 2016, and therefore sentencing us with Artie Burns for the past four years!!!

Pick #16 Panthers select – EDGE – Brian Burns

Ok I’m back after celebrating the greatest draft pick of all time. Side note: Burns would’ve been a good pick at ten too.

Pick #17 Giants select – DT – Dexter Lawrence

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Dave Gettleman is just trolling Giants fans now…..I’m convinced!

Pick #20 Broncos select – TE – Noah Fant

Thanks John Elway, for you being you.

Pick #21 Packers select – S – Darnell Savage

So if the Steelers didn’t make the trade we could’ve had Savage, and in the second round could’ve taken……..nope I’m not going to do this to myself. Gotta enjoy this for at least twelve hours.

Pick #22 Texans select – LT – Tytus Howard

Who?? Can’t help but feel the Steelers could’ve gotten a king’s ransom for Marcus Gilbert. Did you even call them Kevin??

Pick #25 Ravens select – WR – Marquise Brown

Now I have a proper reason to hate you “Hollywood”, besides being related to AB that is.

Pick #26 Redskins select – EDGE – Monteze Sweat

So we could’ve had Sweat and…………nope still not doing it!!

Pick #30 Giants select – CB – Deandre Baker

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Trade up? To get HIM?? Is Gettleman daring the Giants to fire him at this point? Don’t ever change man, ever!

Pick #32 Patriots select – WR – N’Keal Harry

WHEW!!!! I thought for sure the Patriots were going to take my draft crush Hakeem Butler. Harry is pretty good, but Brady to Butler would have been devastating man.

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